That awkward moment when..

This fabled tale occurred several moons ago when I was once but a young lad who was getting by in life. My friend who I shall simply refer to as mac branning decided to invite me to a house party one evening and being in Brixton not much occurs on a Saturday night and I wasn’t going to chill outside the Morley’s chip shop like all the other wastemen did so I decide to come with and hit this house party.

So we travelled by bus to Thornton Heath the 250 route and go to this house party late but it was live there was no guys posing with their foot up on the wall screwing each other, no beef and no signs of anyone starting any form of drama its was to use some slang ‘Calm’.


There was this chick there I’m not going to name her so let’s just call her Shauna. She was at the age of 16 what you call amazing. She had a nice petite bum, perky breasts, long natural hair and a pretty face still the same traits I aim for till this day and I got that butterfly feeling in my stomach when I saw her.

I knew only the tightest game was acceptable in this dire situation so what did I do you want to know yes I went up to her and started grinding on her she had it and didn’t move so I was slightly gassed (Excited) even put my hands behind my head appearing nonchalant about the whole thing to my friend.

fat man swag

So the party is coming to a close and I got her number, spoke to her on the phone a few times and eventually went out with her on a few dates with the money I saved from working at Iceland (Acceptable Job at that age). So as would be it we eventually started getting to know each other more intimately as one would say and we spoke on the phone which in turn informed me that she was a virgin but was willing for me to be her first and she wanted me to take it the next day.

I don’t even think I slept and made my way to her house early in the morning I actually think I got up at 6am banged some weights, went for a run and drank a supermalt in preparation for the piece of wokage I was about to lay down.

nod of approcal

So we get to her house and she’s wearing fresh lingerie just bought from La Senza  I done all my pro mac daddy moves I learned from the Karma Sutra and gave her what I would call it an amazing first time. She called me up the same night and said she wants it’s again tomorrow. I had something important to do but can’t exactly remember what it was but I should have done that instead.

The next day she says we have to be quick and keep this under three hours otherwise my mum will come back and kick your teeth in to which I simply laughed when I should have listened. So we have the music playing and I’m having my way with her then her mum calls says she’s going elsewhere and we both thought this would give us more time to have fun.


So were in doggy style now and I’m being rabid wanting to get that nut but guess what.. Tatsumaki Senpu Kyaku ( the door to her room gets kicked open I jumped up thinking what the fuck and she dives under the covers her mum runs out the room.

She’s like you’re dead you’re fucking dead she’s going to kill you I’m sorry (My heart is currently pounding whilst getting dressed). The girls mum summons her to her room and I can hear talking at this point I’m thinking that I could possibly make a quick getaway and actually wish I did because it was now my turn to be summoned.

I walked into the girls mum room and the first lines out her mouth were “Do you think it’s acceptable to come to my house, stick your penis in my daughters vagina and proceed to have sex with her” this fucking girl snaked me and made it look like it was my idea I looked at the ground to think for a second and when I looked back up BAM!!! Consciousness suddenly fading and everything around me went black (Thought I was going to jail now) I didn’t completely pass out though as I could hear screaming and her mum talking.


I got back up and couldn’t see out my eye completely shut down by this girls mum but no she wasn’t done she started shouting “Leave my house now” I ran towards the door and she grabbed my t-shirt and ripped it clean off my back but there was nothing I could do so I just ran out her house.

When I finally got outside I searched my pockets, keys, wallet and phone were left on her bed but it was too much of a risk to attempt retrieval so I puffed my scrawny chest out like a pigeon and walked from Croydon to Brixton with no top on (Bus Drivers will never let you on if you have no money and or t-shirt).


Got back to my house and told my mum I got into a fight with some gang youths in Peckham because I would rather tell her that than have her bruck up this girl mums reality.

I would love to pretend there was a moral or meaning to this story but there fucking isn’t there is none I had sex with a chick got beaten up by her mum and walked home basically naked.. There is nothing to learn here sorry

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Everyone has a secret

Everyone has a secret; a guilty pleasure.

I never would have believed it if someone had told me; even if that person had said wAllahi. It was a shock that lasted for more than two days.

What I’m talking about is this girl that did porn. Yes, I know someone who did porn. I guess you can say that I’m (un)lucky, right? Wrong! But before that, let me get you started from the beginning.

So I worked in a building with this fat chick. She had a cute face and a really open, confident and somewhat charming personality. I mainly attributed that assumption to the fact it might’ve been because she’s American or Australian—that was just a guess from her thick accent.

I, nor any of my friends, paid any attention to her whatsoever. The only time we did was when we were clowning each other on which girls we’d smash for the right price, just regular, taking-the-piss out each other, guy shit.  She wasn’t attractive to say the least, well she had one of those cute faces, but the body of a tank. Her dress sense wasn’t hoeish at all either, she’d cover up and wear more than what was needed. However you could always tell that this bulldozer would run rampant if you ever tried it on with her. And that’s just going off on how she was built; I doubt this steamroller had a vicious side to her though. She seemed to be a nice girl, but in actuality is a freak.

So months pass and this girl is off the radar. Word got around that this sloth was actually a porn star and had fans on twitter and everything. So I get to searching and then I find the twitter and immediately I’m like:

What makes it worse was the fact that some people knew this all along but kept it a secret since they were friends. I’m still shocked at the fact that nobody knew till real late on when she was gone. Not saying that I would of tried it on her or anything… just saying.

One click of her twitter bio and you could see her amazon wish-list, full of the most advanced and dirtiest sex toys I ever witnessed—and I’ve seen some pretty graphic things in my time. Shit like wireless strap-ons, portable whips, transformer dildos, you name it. These were some of the most advanced futuristic sex toys I had ever seen. Sex toys with their own custom firmware updates and shit.

It don’t stop there though. With my connections, I hired some Google ninjas to do some digging deep into the cores of the engines and the results were horrifying. A Pornhub account followed by two videos on Plumperpass, a place for bruisers aka bbws. For anyone that don’t understand those terms, fat chicks. The one trailer alone was shocking for me to bare. She sucked the guys dick till it disappeared, and because she is fat, it looked like he had a vagina and she was just kissing his crotch. To put it simply, this girl is a pro, guys.

The moral of the story is, you don’t know really know a girl till you’ve seen her eat. Over and out.

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When Stupidity Knows No Bounds

So there was this chick I used to go college with never really spoke to her but once we finished but I had her on Facebook and occasionally got dragged into conversation  (You know them ones where you didn’t even clock that you were online at the time)

So she asks for my number I give it to her on a friend thing and speak to her to hear her hoe stories every now and again when I can be asked.

One day she asks me a daunting question “What’s an AC” I think to myself why she wants to know this then she tells me a guy she knows wants to do an AC with her and she really needs to the money.

This girl worked full time and told me she needed the money to buy clothes so she can look good in the summer. I explained to her what an AC is which is basically some random fraudster with your bank card depositing funds into your account which you get a shit share from that makes the person get black listed and not be able to get another account in the UK .

I’ve noticed something though these guys who do fraud always aim for females due to the fact they know it’s easier to sweet talk them into doing this crap anyways let me continue on with this tale.

So it’s about the end of the month slightly before payday she has about £200 left in her account to last her about a week and a bit. Now people have lasted longer than that on less than this amount but the money and greed overtook her.

She calls up the guy and inquires about the AC he tells her that he will be around in a bit so they can talk and see if she is really down to do this.

Pulls up in a whip now and being the Lewisham girl she is gets gassed because he’s driving a decent car thinking she’s going to be doing the same after this move that they are going to do. After a few minutes talking in the car and explaining he needs her card the don tells her that she looks good and thinks she should invite him inside to her flat.

She does and he drops the basics roasting guy bars telling her how beautiful she is and how he didn’t think he would be seeing such a nice girl when doing a move. She fucks him bareback within five minutes of meeting the guy. He gets up and tells her to be ready in the morning to go do the move and get the money sorted.

Next day comes another guy pulls up in a car with the guy she fucked in the back seat and they explained what was going to happen. They walked around all day in west end putting money in her account and buying themselves not her themselves clothing, consoles and whatever the fuck they felt like buying probably bought her a dress or something and then told her they are going to hold onto her card till tonight to sort out the money and then give her the share of money they owe her tomorrow.

The guys come to her flat the next morning and make claims of not having her card saying there not going to give it back to her unless they are both allowed to beat (Fuck her) they did and gave her the share of money they intended to which was only 4bills.

They left without giving her the bank card so she goes to check the account and see’s she still has the £200 she has in there originally until later on when she goes back to the bank in the evening and finds out that one of the guys spent the rest of her money in Tesco’s treating himself to luxurious groceries and the 4bills she thought she has with just two twenty pound notes on either side of a stack of plain paper.

Few weeks later of being paid and not being able to receive the money alas being broke she finds out that she caught herpes from the guys she slept with and only a few weeks after that found out she’s pregnant for one of the guys but isn’t sure which guy it belongs to as she slept with both of them.

I myself thought she was lying about this whole drama and no one could be that stupid as to put themselves in a situation where your life would be so fucked but I was wrong.

She ended up with no money, pregnant and with herpes a disease she cannot be rid of all because she wanted to buy clothes for summer. Now if she listened to me or my friends who also know this chick and told her not to bother then she wouldn’t be in this mess.

Moral of the story is doing AC’s or bank scams its long you might end up pregnant with no money and an STI.

P.S she also doesn’t talk to me anymore because I deleted her off Facebook and refused to borrow her any money =/

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I don’t do hook ups

I don’t do hook ups

So this is a story all about how I hooked my friend up and shit went down so I would like to take a minute and sit right there and tell you why I don’t do hook ups.

Everyone who knows me knows I am a nice guy (sort of) when it comes to certain things. When it comes to females I feel no way to hook my dons up unlike most which if they do no attain the narny for themselves they will cockblock others. If I was to move to a chick and she was on my boy instead of me I would tell him and be like “Yo you have a chance to hit that go through” when most guys will be like “She doesn’t like me therefore no one can have her” (Insert Evil Laugh Here).

As one grows older they learn of girls with loose morals and tendencies which whilst they do not want them they can always hook there boys up. Basically everyone knows a couple slags from endz. Living in Brixton I knew quite a few girls who were like this and whenever my guys used to come to me and tell me they are looking for something quick I would be like yeah I’ve got a chick you can move to Il hook you up.

The fabled tale I am about to tell you occurred at a university I once attended and all my boys can confirm this story is 100% true with no lies or bullshit added as the story is fucked up already. I won’t name anyone because there isn’t a need to be honest but let me explain to you what happened.

So I was in my Uni library one day chilling doing work as one does and one guy I met whilst studying there whom I became friends with came to me in anguish and despair. I asked him “my man why do you look so distressed” he told me he hasn’t beat (fucked a chick in a while) and the cobwebs were killing him. He was going to sleep in cold sweats and waking up in the middle of the night having dreams of giving it good to a chick and then told me that he can’t keep cracking one out over pornhub, xhamster and tnaflix every night.

Being the nice guy I am I told him that I was going to save him and hook him up with something easy he could probably beat (fuck) the same day if he had a hint of game. At this time I had a couple chicks from my area and other areas that I knew were easy and thought yeah I reckon you could add these chicks on Facebook and probably fuck them today you know. Gave him 4 girls to add on Facebook now that I knew were super fucking hella slut easy and this is where the story begins.

The first chick I gave him he was actually doing decent with, he was speaking to her and what not I thought he was actually doing decent until it came to the sexual talk. This guy said to her so when can I fuck you then (any person with a brain knows you can’t even speak to slags like this) to which this girl replied “who the fuck do you think you’re talking to”. He said “But Millz said I can beat” This guy dragged my name into it and said I said he could beat even though I did you not supposed to say that. She told him “no you can’t fuck me” to which he replied “But Millz said I can and he doesn’t lie” (Mindfucked). This guy is actually arguing with the chick about fucking her based upon what I said to him. The girl inboxes me on Facebook and starts chatting shit in my ears now asking if I’m going around telling people they can fuck her #Longforman.

Told him to add that charlotte chick from my previous blog post ( he somehow fucked that up, flopped with the third chick again which is beyond me and then managed to bag the final chick but this is where shit fucked up.

The last chick was a girl I knew from Hackney that a couple of my guys ran a train on (Took turns one after another fucking her) and I made him know this before I even bothered to hook him up. So he adds her on Facebook now and they get talking trying to find out about one another. It didn’t take him long to get her on the sexual talk and she starts sending him pictures and videos of her which were slightly meh to be perfectly honest but they started talking about what they would do one another you know how it goes.

They decide on a day to meet up and he travels all the way to Hackney for a bit of narn bread because the roast was getting real. He fucks her and comes back to Uni the next day and boasts to the mandem yeah I beat she was easy as fuck he even hugged me for hooking him up.

Later on in the day I receive a facebook message from the chick “I didn’t know you and your boys rolled like that” I’m thinking what she means by ‘roll like that’ what the fuck is this chick on about. New untold chapters of the story were unveiled.

Sometime during their night time talk they began talking of freaky things they want to do to each other when they meet up and he told her that she was in for a surprise. On his way to her house during the first time they were supposed to link (meet up) he went into Sainsbury’s and picked up some basics honey (You see where this is going) and then proceeded to her house. When he got there she done as she promised and gave him head which is what he was expecting. What she wasn’t expecting was for him to tell her to spread her legs wide open and for honey to be smeared all over her pussy which he then proceeded to eat her out with during the first time he met her. He even covered his dick in honey and yeah the whole process became sticky.

When she told me the story I was like O_O this guy never told me he was the honey monster. Word spread as this girl knew a few people and it just looked bad for me and my dons even though we did fuck all.

So from now on I don’t do hook ups, if you’re roasting deal with it yourself I no longer provide pimp services with no pay.

Anyways hope you enjoyed this read follow me @smexymillz

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Part of your 5 a day

So as this is my first post I’m going to start with a story that I posted to twitter earlier but couldn’t go into detail on due to the 140 character limit hopefully doing a blog will allow my stories and tales I have experienced to reach further audiences.

I am naming this one part of your 5 a day due to the fact this is a story about a girl I once met who did exactly that.

That 5 a day

So living in South London you learn a lot of things such as not ever letting your mum set you up with chicks because they turn out to be whores.

There was a girl who lived around my area named Charlotte who no one really knew but her mum was friends with my own so I occasionally saw her about.

One day this girl asks my mum for my phone number my mother not knowing the whore she is decides to give it to her. This girl calls me immediately and tells says “its Charlotte I got your number from your mum do you wanna fuck” I’m thinking O_O firstly why did my mum give my number to her and two how the hell is she open about wanting to fuck me like that.

Anyways I rarely spoke to the girl so her having my number became void but I saw her outside talking to my mum one day and decided to get involved in what they were saying.

I was like soooo “Charlotte whats good, Whats new, What have you been up to” she simply said “Yesterday I fucked 5 guys” my face was like D:< how could she say this so casj like it was nothing.

So she started to tell me the story


She woke up at 8am In the morning and proceeded to her boyfriends house who she was with for a year, He obviously has no clue she was like this hence there relationship being so long. They fucked for a few hours she gave him head and had him cum inside her, she was on the pill apparently because she was allergic to condoms and could only fuck bareback.

After fucking her boyfriend for a few hours she told him that she was meeting a few friends from school that she knew to go watch a film at peckham cinema’s (The one across from the Mac Donalds). Back in the day this cinema was hella cheap so everyone went there and her boyfriend believed her so she left his around 12pm.

As everyone knows with slags they don’t really have many other girl friends or female company they are ‘To Bitchy’ Or ‘Snakes’. The truth being most females once they find out there ways don’t want to be anywhere near them due to the hoe by association rule.

So this slag reaches the cinema’s at midday now to meet a guy she was talking to on Myspace or Bebo it was one of those two sites, Most guys who had no game used to use these sites to move up chicks and this don was no expection.

This girl says to the guy in the cinema’s “this film is shit can we go and do anal in the toilets please” so they go into the cinema toilets and this guy proceeds to juice her bottom.. NO LUBE.. NO  CONDOM.. Nothing I hope he got tested and didnt die because that risk is to intense. He fucks her in her arse and in her pussy with NO CONDOM switching openly between the two holes as she told me in her own words. When I asked her why she does anal she told me its because she can clench her bum cheeks and make it tighter on the guys dick.

So she left the cinema’s around 2:30pm and decided to go see her EX boyfriend who lived nearby in Dulwich which is basically 20mins away on bus with cum still leaking out of her ass and vag she has sex with him as well. I am 100% sure this dude must have caught something because she just got fucked ass to pussy with no condom she stays at his house for abit and tells me they went a few rounds. Later on she comes back to endz aka Brixton around 6pm

You would think at this point she would be done at 3 guys or at least be getting paid but nope she was just a nympho who loved that dick. Its like 6pm now and she goes to visit a guy I went to school with that lived around my area (If you’re reading this and you think this is you then it is you and you cant do shit because I will beat you up bruv) this guy never used to get girls so Im surprised he actually fucked her to be perfectly honest..

So she fucked this guy on endz now lol funniest thing was she didn’t actually want to tell me who he was like say he was Frankenstein or something.

This guy actually caught something though I remember mocking him in school about catching chlamydia and gonorrhea at the same time saying he got chlarrhea and called him Chlarrhea boy.It gets to about 10pm or something and she went to her best-friends boyfriends house :O.

She actually knew the guy before hand and actually set up her best friend with this guy but also kept close contact with him talking to him on the phone and shit till 3am which is giant no no in my books.

This time she didn’t actually intend to fuck the guy and went around his house to just chill and smoke the highest grade but as one knows a slut and a guy cant be in the room for to long. She apparently got horny and put it on him (yes after 4 guys she still got horny). They started play fighting and as we all know that leads to sex.

When I asked her how she felt, she was like it was nothing you dont even realize that you have fucked so many people.

However she did get nabbed by her mum due to her best friend finding out she fucked her man and then told the girls mum. Her mum took away her phone, internet access and make sure she was indoors at a certain time didnt mean she stopped getting fucked though.

Ive yet to see her about In Brixton for a while though maybe she moved area or something but who knows..

Anyways this was my first post on this blog thing Im new to it so go easy on me. I have many more tales to share more extreme than this one so stay tuned

Millz out

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